The changing landscape of Autumn is my favourite time of year. Gone are the worries over my summer body and it is with relief that the jumpers and jeans are resurrected from the back of my closet. Now, I have weather-permission to hide behind my warm coats, and if I am honest, I have been feeling pretty exposed over the last few months. It is nothing I haven’t felt before and this time, it is in a good way. I have been deeply humbled by the positive response to The Terrible Tuesday and to speaking to the media. The decision to publish the book under a cover name was taken for legal reasons, and gave me a degree of separation from it all, but it felt good to finally own up and say, “Yes, it is my story”.
All too often, we hide our darkest experiences from everyone, including ourselves, and I am guilty of this too. I spent the first couple of years of my recovery desperately trying to find a way around it, without actually accepting the events of The Terrible Tuesday and their impact on my life, but no-one can apologise for the length of time it takes them to heal or the road they take that leads to recovery.
Over the years, I found it difficult to work through my feelings from the legal and trial process. I am eternally grateful for the work that went into my case from the Police team and other professionals involved and I should have been overjoyed at the verdict, but the process left me with a sour taste in my mouth and a deep seated anger at the injustice of my treatment from the defence team. It is only now, twelve years later, that I got the opportunity to express those feelings by taking part in the Review Process.
The Independent Review into Sexual Offences in Northern Ireland is the first stepping stone that will lead to change in practice for victims of sexual assault and I feel privileged to have taken part in it. The review team were sensitive and kind and assured me that I am not alone in my feelings of anger, frustration and helplessness at the process we must endure in an attempt to seek justice for the crimes committed against us.
I have no hesitation in encouraging you to come forward and speak to the review team: you can e mail them at [email protected] and speak anonymously, if you wish. The review process has given me a platform to express my feelings and a sense of liberty, at having done so. I look forward to reading the recommendations from this review, and watching their implementation in practice, in the hope that the road ahead, is more bearable, for those coming after me.
Thank-you all kindly, for your lovely messages of support and encouragement, you have allowed me to feel proud of myself and my journey so far.
Best Wishes for a Super Tuesday Folks….
